John, taken summer 2009                               What he may look like today (artist's rendering)


I was sifting through the heaps of data on my fileserver the other day when I stumbled across some ancient archives, well, ancient by computer standards. Among the treasures were some MSN logs from as far back as 2003-2004, since John was ignoring me on MSN at the time as he usually is, I decided that I would sift through this log and paste him some of his messages from me from 2004. Here are some of the highlights...

John on his Pentium II-400 running Half-Life II:
"HL2 looks & runs worse then I do after a Harvest Crunch marathon. Torn open-asshole, wide open."

John on bathing:
 "well theres a new moon, time for a bath."

John loves television, and chips:
"i've gotta go eat some chips and watch Road to anal Attrition"

John on workplace etiquette:
"why don't you ninja yourself up and do something productive at work like masterbate on company time."

John on heterosexuality:
"how bout em laker girls eh? Huh, huh, eh, huh? I mean an I right, huh. huh, eh?"

John loves Clay Aiken, more than the everyman.
"just got back from a clay aiken christmast, now i need a shower"

John expresses no concern or love for Terrance Fox:
"I especially enjoyed everything entouring Terry Fox & his imprisonment in carbonite."

John on women in the workforce:
"Dykes, trolls/mongrols, leviathans and primogenitors do not count. But it still sounds like a lot a women there."

John on Taco Bell:
"Did you order constipation, because i heard their constipation in to die for."

I am really not sure...
"M-O-O-N, that spells undescended testicle"

John on my personal medical issues:
"I pray for your colostomy bag every night."

John's response to my suggestion he buys a new computer:
"We'll when pizza pizza replys to my monster add I'll buy one. If dom could make a computer with a scroll saw & a caulking gun he would."

John on TheDom:
"Dom says "Hi my name is Dom and I drive a Ford Taurus!"

John on I have no fucking idea:
"don't make me break the terminology i learT @ schoool that defines me as a custodial technologist."

John's response to some random comment I made in 2004, and probably his response for this article:
"wheres the emoticon for fuckshovel?"